For years I had been experiencing fatigue, weakness, heart palpitations and so many other physical symptoms that I can't remember them all. I have gone back and forth to my doctor, doing a many blood tests, a urine test, and allergy test. Nothing. Everything was normal. I was so certain that it had to be something physical, like a physical illness, as I had ruled out anxiety in my own mind. I had been obsessing, looking for an explanation, I wanted an answer! Why do I feel the way I do? What's wrong?
Eventually, I took my physician's advice and saw a psychologist. This was about a month ago. She didn't get much out of me, it was unclear what was really going on, but said I had depressive symptoms and possible anxiety. She said that "we'll experiment", that I should try continuing life as normal, going to college and see how I feel. This was right before the semester started.
I thought that if I'm really gonna get to the bottom of this, then I would have to take notes of how I feel, and pay attention to how I behave in social situations. I had told my psychologist that I never wanted to socialize, that I was quiet, and worried about how others felt and thought, and worried about looking weird/stupid. I had no idea how much this had impacted me. I was "acting" in front of others, trying to be extroverted, trying to be somebody I'm not. Worrying what they were thinking, what to say when there was a pause in the conversation. I only realized the true impact this had on me and that it was not healthy, after having taken notes everyday for about a week. I had been "acting" for so long, that I completely forgot that I did it. It had become so natural to do so, I didn't even think about how I felt and how it affected me. I didn't consider it a problem before. After revealing everything I discovered I was diagnosed with social anxiety, so I pretty much did most of the work here, but the psychologist asked very important questions that I would never ask myself. I also discovered that I was an INFJ, and got very much explained. I felt more confident, I wasn't "strange", there were actually people like me.
Fast forward to today. I am much better in handling social situations. I still have some progress to make, but I am surprised how fast I have improved. It's been only a month, and the worrying and physical symptoms have been noticeably reduced. I haven't even started the therapy for it (because my psychologist got sick and then quit soon after.) So I have been getting better without any behavior therapy, but I am scheduled to have a session soon.
My only complaint is that I do get depressed randomly once a week, and I have the worst headache of my life. It is a pressure on the top of my head, and suddenly got worse. I had complained to my psychologist about this, I told her that all symptoms have been improved, but that I have had this mild headache that does not go away. It's constant, affects my ability to think, feel and work. I have gotten used to it. It has been there for years. Only recently it became the worst headache of my life. I have done everything I can, and have taken ibuprofen and paracetamol for a week, but it did not help at all. It is the first time these drugs have not helped for a headache. I was given stronger doses of the same drugs yesterday, but it is not working. I fear it is something serious, as the headache is not going away. My doctor thinks it's just tension headaches, but did schedule an MRI. But I have to wait a month for that unsure emoticon I am starting to get really worried, my family members make fun of me though, they think I'm being too dramatic, but I feel something's wrong. But then again I can be a hypochondriac. I wake up with headaches, I tried massaging my neck and temples and did feel a little better, but the headache comes back the next day. I don't know what to do anymore, and I honestly don't know what to think anymore. The headache is driving my crazy...
